So you didn’t bring L to volleyball at all last week. R told you (and I’ve told you many times) that we would help bring her if you were working or needed a hand. You have our numbers, just shoot us a text and we’ll be there. You sat in our house during our attempt at “better communication” (a plan I suggested) and agreed that it was important for L to try some new activities. We talked about how it was really healthy for her to try some physical activity as she enters puberty and how exercise can really help with self esteem and body confidence. We are paying 100% for all of her activities and always have. You said you didn’t want to spend the money on it, but you’d take her. I hear you also just ate out at Taco Bell several nights last week.

Apparently your promise was again a lie.

You also said you “are not having any new men in the house” this was also a lie since you had some new trashy guy staying in your house since about 2 weeks after the known felon/abuser moved out after the cops removed him because he beat you up. This one also doesn’t have a car and works at Applebees til he can “get enough money to move out”. Apparently the safety of your girls is not important to you since this is number what of how many strange men that have paraded through your house?? Shared a single bathroom with your little girls? Slept a few feet from where they sleep? I know of at least 5 in the past few years, so I’m sure it’s triple that. One of whom got you pregnant and he took off and you miscarried, one of whom you married then divorced 2 months later.

I’m letting you know that I’m just over the whole thing and YOU WIN. I have spent so much time and money trying to give L the best that I can. I buy her clothes and give her the best opportunities as if she were my own daughter. I make her shower, cut her dirty fingernails after she comes over here reeking like a barn because you have dozens of animals living in your house. I make her brush her yellow teeth and floss, since she obviously hasn’t brushed since she’s been at your house. L says you won’t buy floss. I buy her 18 new pairs of underwear because the when we were out walking the others were “cutting her legs” and had brown crotch stains because you don’t think it’s a priority to buy her new undies. I’ve given the benefit of the doubt to you for years that you are a decent person, but it has become abundantly clear that you are never going to change and become a parent who gives 100% for your children.

I will no longer fight to get L into activities, camps, programs, sports etc. I will no longer fight to get her to go to college, save for college, learn to cope with her dyslexia, talk to her about the world and urge her to aim high, do her best and hopefully be more than a lazy, weak woman who makes $8/hour wiping asses and fucking random losers who give her a few bucks for rent. By the way, you said a year and a half ago you were going to go back and get that certificate so you could make $2 more per hour – have you done that yet??

Oh and she needs a fucking haircut. What kind of mother doesn’t get her daughter a haircut? We’ve gotten every single haircut for the last 2 years, it’s your turn this time.

(We both know I won’t stop doing any of this, it’s just so hard sometimes.)

Welcome to a new voice in stepparenting!

Welcome to LifeBlended!

This is a safe place for stepparents to get support while living a life blended. Stepparenting is one of the most difficult roles in life. We get judged and advised more than any other parent and at the same time receive little to no recognition for our support, love and time that we provide. People who have never had stepchildren don’t have any frame of reference about the challenges we face. As both a mother and stepmother, I understand how difficult this life can be. My intention is to not only help me process and work out my own challenges within my own stepfamily, but to give others a safe place to deal with their own frustrations and challenges.

Note: There will be some occasional “venting” in this blog. I will try to stay as positive as possible, but sometimes that’s tough. If you can’t handle that realistic approach, then this isn’t the space for you.

Statements that will be avoided in this blog:

1. You knew what you were getting into when you entered the relationship with your spouse/partner. Nobody can know exactly how difficult this situation can be. Just because you fell in love with your spouse/partner doesn’t mean you should be punished or unempowered for the rest of your life. You took the brave step of committing to him/her and bringing his/her child(ren) into your life, helping to support them emotionally and financially. You deserve to be commended for that decision and supported through the challenges.

2. The children come first. No kidding, but we don’t need to hear this all the time. If you’re visiting this blog, you love and care for your family and want to stay a family. That means you obviously care deeply about the well being of the child(ren). Can we just all agree to avoid this statement, instead of fighting over who cares about the kids more?

3. Stay out of the relationship with your spouse’s/partner’s ex. Lots of blogs and sites out there give us this as the primary piece of advice. The problem is, this is totally impractical. When you share children with another person, there is absolutely no way to avoid them or be uninvolved with them. If the children come to stay or live in the house you share with your spouse/partner (aka your house) there’s no way you can “step out” of the business with the children – it’s your house for crying out loud! Feeling like the kid(s) come and go like roommates with you never disciplining them, or getting involved in their rearing is only going to make you resentful.  Taking a sometimes secondary role is one thing, but you should not be asked to be a bystander in your family or in your life.