Welcome to LifeBlended!
This is a safe place for stepparents to get support while living a life blended. Stepparenting is one of the most difficult roles in life. We get judged and advised more than any other parent and at the same time receive little to no recognition for our support, love and time that we provide. People who have never had stepchildren don’t have any frame of reference about the challenges we face. As both a mother and stepmother, I understand how difficult this life can be. My intention is to not only help me process and work out my own challenges within my own stepfamily, but to give others a safe place to deal with their own frustrations and challenges.
Note: There will be some occasional “venting” in this blog. I will try to stay as positive as possible, but sometimes that’s tough. If you can’t handle that realistic approach, then this isn’t the space for you.
Statements that will be avoided in this blog:
1. You knew what you were getting into when you entered the relationship with your spouse/partner. Nobody can know exactly how difficult this situation can be. Just because you fell in love with your spouse/partner doesn’t mean you should be punished or unempowered for the rest of your life. You took the brave step of committing to him/her and bringing his/her child(ren) into your life, helping to support them emotionally and financially. You deserve to be commended for that decision and supported through the challenges.
2. The children come first. No kidding, but we don’t need to hear this all the time. If you’re visiting this blog, you love and care for your family and want to stay a family. That means you obviously care deeply about the well being of the child(ren). Can we just all agree to avoid this statement, instead of fighting over who cares about the kids more?
3. Stay out of the relationship with your spouse’s/partner’s ex. Lots of blogs and sites out there give us this as the primary piece of advice. The problem is, this is totally impractical. When you share children with another person, there is absolutely no way to avoid them or be uninvolved with them. If the children come to stay or live in the house you share with your spouse/partner (aka your house) there’s no way you can “step out” of the business with the children – it’s your house for crying out loud! Feeling like the kid(s) come and go like roommates with you never disciplining them, or getting involved in their rearing is only going to make you resentful. Taking a sometimes secondary role is one thing, but you should not be asked to be a bystander in your family or in your life.